“Can I have a hug?” is a small question with a big lesson: a child can notice what feels comfortable and answer honestly. Body-boundary teaching belongs to every child, including children who communicate with signs, pictures or a device. For autistic and ADHD children, make the language concrete and rehearse it without requiring eye contact or a spoken answer. This is about respect and safety, not making a child responsible for preventing harm.
Make everyday choices real
Offer a choice of hug, wave, high-five or no contact when greeting a relative. Accept “no” the first time. Adults can model asking before touching and can change their own minds too. A child who sees adults honour ordinary refusals has a clearer example than one who hears a rule but is pressed to hug anyway. Keep the practice calm; no child should have to explain why a touch feels wrong.
Use a short phrase the child can actually use: “No, thank you,” “Stop,” or “I need space.” A hand signal, picture card or AAC button counts. Practise in low-stakes moments such as choosing whether to hold hands on a walk. Ask the child which signal they prefer, and tell family members to respect it.
Talk about privacy without shame
The NSPCC’s Talk PANTS resources, including an autism-adapted parent guide, teach that private body parts are private and that a child can tell a trusted adult when something makes them uncomfortable. Use accurate, age-appropriate words for body parts. Explain that necessary health or personal-care help should be explained in advance and handled respectfully. Avoid a blanket “all adults are safe” rule; name two or three specific trusted adults the child could approach.
Rehearse a help route
Try a simple scenario: “What if someone asks you to keep a touch secret?” Practise leaving, saying no in the child’s preferred way and telling a trusted adult. Make it clear the child will not be in trouble for speaking up, even if they first said yes or did not know what to do. If a child discloses harm, listen calmly, prioritise safety and seek appropriate local safeguarding help. Our help-seeking plan for bullying offers another way to practise telling an adult.
Sources: NSPCC Talk PANTS; NSPCC autism-adapted parent guide.
This is general information shared for parent awareness, not medical advice. Every child is different — please confirm decisions with your child’s doctor or a suitably qualified professional.